Never ahead, never behind, always exactly where you are. This seemingly fluffy suggestion undermines our bedrock philosophy of competition, trying to get ahead, be the winner, reaching the goal. One by one these self induced bindings loosen and release. But not to a place of refined simplicity and calm but a torrent of panic, porousness and fallibility.
So I can never win, can’t be first, complete, conquer or secure. My path is fading unsteadily across a dusty track, beneath my feet these thoughts crumble and crush, along with the snails and beetles I am wiped out.
Walking alone is tough for the first time. These screaming shattering worries of otherness seep into your little finger, along the bone of your forearm and resonates through your elbow - with immediate affect. This intensifying fission expands and contracts throughout your mind and soul and you are at once, lost amid yourself.
The fears are sickening, to the visceral core of your stomach., and to make matters worse, none of it is real.